| AHHHH |
[Aug 7 06 ` 11 28 am] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
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Things between us in the past few days have been a little shaky. Its alright, we can make it through this I know we can. I'm never willing to quit on you and everything we have. We made it this far and it would be pointless to give up.
Last night we went to gaze at the stars :) It's something that we needed to do to refresh us.......and it did
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[Jul 24 06 ` 12 47 am] |
Well these past few days have been misrable. 1) My baby is 2000 miles away from me which is really rough. 2) I didnt know planning for NYC would be that hard.
Missing you is really hard right now. I didnt know it was goign to be so hard without you for 10 days. So far you havnt really called me and texted me that much :(. Its just not like you. I know your on vacation but normally when you miss someone you just want to hear their voice or know if there ok. After the conversation we had tonight i really dont know what to do or think. Over a thousand things are running through my head. This is the worst feeling...i have ever felt in my life. When you tell me your not having fun it kind of worries me. Whats going through your head? Can you just tell me sometimes? I love you more than life its self. This is so hard for me and i hate it. I just want you to have fun but at the same time tell me how your doing when you get time. I dont expect you to talk to me all day. Just when you get 5 mins call me and tell me how your days going.
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[Jul 6 06 ` 3 19 pm] |
One Year Ago
One year later.......still in love
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[Jul 1 06 ` 10 41 pm] |
July is here....
Does that mean summer is here also?
Im so worried right now it just wont be the same. If its not I understand. I just miss you and mabe i just miss us.
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| hmmm |
[Jun 22 06 ` 3 22 pm] |
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Well summer is here. So far its a boring one. Work,school and being bored. Havnt really upated in a while. What can i say? nothing. hmmmm
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| Just a song i wrote at work today |
[May 30 06 ` 11 09 pm] |
(Love hurts even in the month of May)
Do you ever get those pains deep inside?
So bad, but you never realize.
Behind eyes, cries and harsh goodbyes
Always there but seems to never die
So I sit here and try and hide
My deepest feelings that are kept aside.
There will be another day
locked up inside this empty place.
I wish I could just be with you
So you can see the things I do
when missing you is just a clue
To the greatest thing you put me through.
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[May 15 06 ` 4 38 pm] |
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Havnt updated in a while. I keep a written journal with all my deepest thoughts and feelings. Lifes going good though same ole stuff. Hanging with my baby and working and class. Cant wait till summer !!!
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[Apr 20 06 ` 12 08 am] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
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music |
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Blink 182 |
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Well i havn't updated my journal in a while.... so nothing really has changed; still in love,work, and school. Cant really wait for the summer i really need to take a trip and get away. I plan on going to myrtle beach and what not. Ive been cruising in the Jeep and it brought back a lot of memories (not sure if thats good or bad). Just another thing to scatch off the list.
The other night me and Ilyssa went onto her porch like good times and look into the stars. I miss that stuff so much it kills me. The whole time I was thinking of how much i dont want to lose this girl. We have been through so much and everyday we grow closer.
Tonight she came over but was looking a little tired which is alright. She wanted to go look at the stars so we went to the school across and i tried my best to keep her warm. I guess you would say things are getting better. Not quite there. 47% there.
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[Mar 25 06 ` 11 53 pm] |
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Well i guess things between us have gotten a little better. Still have a long ways before its perfect again. Yes things are getting rocky along the way but im willing to get it back to the way it once was....
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| Crazy week |
[Mar 12 06 ` 2 05 pm] |
This past week has been really crazy. Went to Canada with Ryan,Patterson and keaton. Very fun i might add. Very crazy night of drunkeness and fun. Went to various bars around windsor. We stayed at the windsor casino hotel.I won 85 bucks and cashed out lol. It was fun..
After our day of rest we planned another party for friday. It was raelly fun, I played beer pong and danced with my girl. Talked around the Hookah about random stuff. Embarrsed my gf i guess but still had fun.
The next day was something that we needed for a long time. A nice beautiful day outside. We took Chaz with us to go get slurpees!! It felt nice to drive with the windows down for once just waiting for the real day the top comes off. Just looking over at you and seeing that smile and those beautiful eyes of yours, already made my day. We went to an elementary school ( like the good ole times) and played with Chaz. We taught him how to follow us!! Later on that night we layed outside on your front porch with a blanket and talked and starred at the Moon. So many things were running through my mind at that moment, but the one thing that kept crossing my mind was how much I love you and how I never want to loose you. Happy 9 months.....
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[Feb 28 06 ` 9 52 pm] |
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Well things have been crappy lately on all sides of the table. Maybe thats all I have to say?.?.?. Hopefully things will get better shortly but im not too sure how. I feel lost
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| hey |
[Feb 4 06 ` 4 24 pm] |
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mood |
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No time for moods |
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Well yesterday was pretty fun. Hung out with my asian friend chu and went boggin. Then shortly after i got in a wreck. I crashed into an old lady who pulled out in front of me. Her whole front end was pretty banged up and luckily there was no damage done to my baby or i would of cried. Shes alright so thats good. Just gotta give her a bath soon and get her ready for spring!!!. Hopefully shes will be getitng a nice 2-3 lift!!. Then after that whole mess i went to a movie with my beloved girlfriend and seen "when a stranger calls" which was an alright movie. Didnt rally scare me until after the movie when we almost got stranded...muahahaha...
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| A nightmare |
[Jan 24 06 ` 8 36 am] |
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Last night I had the scariest dream. I cant get into details but lately, its been the same dream every night. In the end the same thing happens. I dont know if its a sign or its just my mind. These dreams are so weird omg.....its a weird feelin to dream something over and over again and yet you cant picture it happening but then you know what it would be like if it really did because you dream it every night.
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| Its been a while |
[Jan 15 06 ` 8 58 am] |
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mood |
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Leave me alone |
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It's been a while since I wrote in my live journal. Well I really dont know where to begin....Im going to school fulltime and working part time. I'm a little stressed out lately and it sucks. I'm not too sure what to do. It was fun while it lasted I guess. Now im going to be left alone in this shithole of a town. Doing what ever i can to keep the one thing thats worth staying for. Without that, there would be no reason. My mind is scattered between what is real and what is dream. I dont know anymore. I really dont
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| Im tired |
[Jan 4 06 ` 11 36 pm] |
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mood |
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sad |
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I'm very tired. Yet I want to write. I'm in a bad mood of course and I just want to be left alone. People piss me off and I cant take it. Friends being two faced. Who the hell needs friends these days. Jealous back stabbing whores. Lieing sacks of shit. As I said in the past, its time for me to step up and be a prick to everyone like I was back last January. No more wishing people happy birthday. No more helping people cope with an Ex. No more taking people shopping when there GF/BF piss them off and you call me just to use me for an escape. Its time to treat everyone how I get treated by people. All i got to say is F!@~ OFF! If I ever see you drowning in a pool of water dont expect me to grab your hand expect me to kick you down farther into the dark cloudy water we call friendship. I guess it really hurts to look at all the time. I try and block out the pain but its too hard. Its too hard to look at all the good things i try and do for people compared to the way i get treated. Fuck everyone and happy new years.
Anyways now that I got all that out. Texas beat USC!! I told everyone they would mid-season lol I guess that cheered me up. not
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| week by week |
[Jan 2 06 ` 12 16 am] |
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Well i thought this week went by pretty good. Pretty much the usual. I cant wait to go back to school soon because i want to end this crap. Also I thought my bday was alright this year. Not too much drama like every other year but a little bit just to keep it real. I found out a good friend of mine was talking behind my back like the bitch that he is. Who needs friends these days anyways? wish u were just man enough to say shit about me and my gf to my face so I could bust your face....cocky piece of shit
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| X-Mas |
[Dec 27 05 ` 3 25 pm] |
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This years X-Mas has been by far the best X-Mas ever. I really enjoyed spending time with my family, but most importantly spending time with the girl I love really meant a lot to me. Ilyssa bought me some nice clothes and a hand made blanket with little hearts and things we did together in the past months on it. Each day I find myself falling more in love with this girl. I hope this feeling will last forever. <3
This week im looking forward to my bday! 31st!!
pictures will be up very soon!!!
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| I hate this time of the year |
[Dec 18 05 ` 11 26 am] |
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mood |
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Angry,Annoyed,Teased |
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I hate my family life more than anything. Everything is a damn fight no matter what you do. I'm always wrong. I'm always the bad kid no matter how good I'm doing in school. I hate this feeling. I love my family so much but i cant take it anymore. I want to move out so bad and move on with my life. I know whats best for me. If i could afford to move out I would in a heartbeat to save the drama and heartache. I want to finish school so bad but thats not gonna happen anytime soon. I hate saying this but my best bet right now is the military. It would get me on my feet and pay me a good ammount of money for school and what not...I just dont want to lose the person in my life that matters most. The person that keeps me smileing. The person that makes me happy with myself even though i'm not. Even though i'm not happy with my life and whats happening in it. I just want to get away. I want to run away from all of this and never look back. I cant take this family drama and all of this bullshit that makes me feel the way I do. Someone better shoot me.
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[Dec 13 05 ` 3 51 pm] |
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mood |
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 bitchy |
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Well I think my life is going good this month. I had so much fun this month and theres more to come! Christmas and then my bday which is always fun.... I'm still holding on to the girl of my dreams and i never wanna let that go. Besides all the fun, I only have one more day of being stressed out for school! I have a 100 question final and a group presentatoin which we still dont know what the hell were doing so im just gonna bring out my BS and wing it like always. Im sure il at least get an A- on the final. Then i still got to go x-mas shoppin and i dont know what to get anyone so im screwed. So everyones gonna have to just suck it up and take what i buy and shut up. If it was up to me there would be no gifts. Just get 3 gifts like Jesus did and call it good.
I cant wait until my birthday this year! It seems like every year it gets worse. Were gonna have to just find out! I'm kinda excited to see whats gonna go wrong this year!!!.....sad but true.
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| Happy 6 months |
[Dec 11 05 ` 8 45 am] |
Wow I cant believe its been 6 months. Half a year to this day that I met the girl that changed my life. This past year will be in my heart forever. I will never forget those sweet summer nights of pure lust and love. The days I needed most. The days that would heal my pain and bring me this feeling that lies deep with in. I could never write how much I love and care for you, because those are just fragile words. All I could ever do is be here for you through the good and bad.
The feeling of love you bring me is beyond all the feelings I have ever felt. Without you, I don’t know where I would be. I don’t know what I would be doing. All I know is I never want this feeling to end. I want this feeling to last forever and with that, I want us to last forever. Every second I’m without you im lost. The text messages you wake me with just to tell me you love me make my love for you even stronger. Every morning I wake up you’re the first thing I want to see. You’re the first person I want to talk to. The first person I want to hold and tell them how much they mean to me, but you’re the last thing I want to let go.....because you’re my world.
I love you Ilyssa Beltzman
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myheartlesssoul's journal